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What Grief Asked Me to Write – Mari Nardolillo Dias
Have you ever wondered how books come to be? Recently, I was reminded of my fascination with the collective nouns assigned to groups of animals. My fascination was triggered at Providence Performing Arts Center, when I attended the performance of “Water for Elephants.â€Â As I looked over my shoulder during intermission, I noticed a brightly lit sign that proclaimed: “A group of elephants is called a memory.†Yes! My mind salivated at the recall.
I began to entertain my thoughts of childhood when I memorized all of them. Then fast forward to adolescence when my preoccupation evolved into a passion to discover the etiology. My mind drivel exploded. The double entendre of the word “memory.†The intensity of elephants’ grief. It was this valuable morsel that germinated and gave birth to my new children’s grief book – A Memory of Elephants.
As the grieving baby elephant appeared in my mind’s eye, I challenged myself. Where are they? What season? Time of day? Will they run into anyone? Who? Why? What do they say? How will it end? Many authors will tell you that they are unaware of how their stories will unfold. The characters take on a life of their own. The writer can be oblivious to the ending. As was I.
The creative juices flowed. Excited to include more collective nouns, I chose my characters accordingly. Moving forward, as a counselor educator it was only natural that the dialogue from each of the animals needs to employ different clinical responses and techniques. And they do.
As a death and grieving expert, I was compelled to include Discussion prompts at the end of the book, those for parents/guardians, another for educators and a third for clinicians.
Ah. Exhale. It now has legs of its own. No longer an embryo, It currently resides as a fetus in the womb of Amazon, waiting for the slap, the wail and the APGAR scale. It is out of my hands. It is up to Amazon now. Followed by readers and the world of children’s grief.
Allow me to give you a sneak peek.
“A gentle literary fable that helps children sit with grief, remember what they love, and understand that loss does not erase connection.
“A Memory of Elephants is a quiet, compassionate story about children’s grief and the lasting presence of love after loss.
Through measured, lyrical prose, the book follows an elephant as he experiences absence, remembers what has been lost, and learns how memory itself becomes a form of holding on. The story does not rush toward comfort or resolution; instead, it honors the slow, often wordless way children encounter grief.
Written as a literary fable, A Memory of Elephants gives shape to feelings that are often difficult for children to name. It offers space for reflection, shared reading, and gentle conversation, allowing grief to exist without being explained away.â€
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PRAISE FOR A MEMORY OF ELEPHANTS
“Even for an experienced school counselor, finding the right words after a child has experienced loss can be difficult. Through its characters, this book draws on different theories to help readers navigate the challenging, yet normal feelings of grief in a way that feels less intrusive and more comforting. This book and its approach aligns with everything I believe about supporting grief-being present and starting where the child isâ€
—Lauren Cone, LCSW, School Counselor, Rhode Island Public Schools
“Mari has authored a thoughtful and comprehensive book that helps both children and adults understand and navigate the complexities of grief. Her characters are relatable and comforting, offering steadiness amid the often messy dynamics of loss. A Memory of Elephants will serve as an anchor for the bereaved and an outstanding resource for therapists, reflecting multiple therapeutic approaches woven naturally through the story.â€
— Heather Cosimini, EdD, LICSW
“In A Memory of Elephants, Mari addresses the difficult topic of death and dying through storytelling that is both beautiful and accessible. The book offers a meaningful resource for children and adults alike who are struggling with grief.
— Cheryl Almeida, PhD, Department Chair, Clinical Mental Health Counseling
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And…a bonus from my childhood notes!:
Mischief of Mice
A herd of horses
A pack of dogs
A flotilla of gulls
A rookery of egrets
A constellation of starfish
A cast of crabs
A cluster of horseshoe crabs
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Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.
She is an Adjunct Professor of Counseling and Psychology at both Johnson & Wales University and Community College of Rhode Island. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI. For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/