GriefSPEAK: Kill Switch – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer on grief and grieving

“Kill Switch”

This has been a difficult, emotionally complicated week.

Paula Petrella, who was another mother to me a long time ago, passed at the age of 95. Death ushered her from this world, following a life well-lived and well loved. Vincent Michael McDonald’s heart stopped beating just days before his mom planned to usher him into the world through a c-section.

Mama Paula enjoyed 95 years of life, with her five children and grandchildren. 95 years is never long enough. Vincent never took a breath of this world’s air. I know both these families extremely well. Some weeks the weight of grief is heavier than others. This is one of those times. I grieve with both families.

I am thinking about my new tender (inflatable center console dinghy). The key is attached to a cord, much like the old telephone cords, and the other end of the cord is attached to me. If I am thrown or fall off the boat, the kill switch is designed to shut the engine off immediately. To avoid any additional problems, including getting hit by the tender.

I wish there were a kill switch for grief. For sadness, for intrusive thoughts. Just for a short while. The kill switch would disengage my thoughts and emotions and provide a semblance of peace, albeit an illusive escape; however, there is no kill switch for grief. For our responses to death of a loved one. The raw, shock and numbness which may occur. All we can do is remember how to breathe.

___

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/