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Women still have Imposter Syndrome – Mary T. O’Sullivan
By Mary T. O’Sullivan, MSOL
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” Maya Angelou
Are we in a post-feminism era? I had to ask myself that question this past week as I coached several women attending this year’s Massachusetts Conference for Women at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center. With fewer women attending live, and in person, than in previous years, the convention felt a bit sparse, but the familiar glamour shot, and make-up stations were jammed as usual, indicating lots of women believed they needed to look better than when they walked in.
In addition, prominently displayed among the scant exhibits were walls of affirmation. These blank walls were placed where attendees could write their beliefs, successes, accomplishments, and triumphs in career and life. The blank walls filled up quickly with women’s writings addressing every aspect of their lives from pregnancy to promotions to pronouns.
Also, there was a huge wall filled with printed affirmations for all attendees to embrace: “Believe in Yourself,” “Fear Nothing”, “There is nothing I Can’t Accomplish”, “I Am Adventurous”, “I am the Hero of My Own Life”, “I am Strong and Powerful”, etc. These declarations, sponsored by a major pharmaceutical company, and set up by the Conference Committee, served to remind women that if they step up, and set their minds to it, anything can be possible.
However surrounded as they were with positive messaging, the women that came to be coached on that day were not brimming with confidence, nor did they believe in themselves. One of the keynote speakers, the woman who invented the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine, addressed the concept of imposter syndrome head on. What she put forth was the belief that “if not me, then who?” What an amazing way to summarize the cure for imposter syndrome! The meaning is so profound. “If I don’t step up, then someone else will!” There is a void, and it will be filled. So, if not by me, then by whom?
This statement defies imposter syndrome by boldly proclaiming that any of us women are just as good as anyone else, so why not ‘me’? I found myself repeating the keynote speaker’s statement over and over during my two-hour coaching stint. Each time I asked a woman what she thought was stopping her or slowing her down from reaching her goals, she invariably stated that it was she wasn’t sure if she were good enough for the job, the promotion, the raise, the interview. These answers came up after the talk by the keynote speaker and after many hours of being surrounded by walls of affirmations. Clothing items were even for some bearing some of the more popular affirmations. But the message had not caught on with the handful of women coachees that came to my table.
With controlled bemusement, I repeated the point the conference and the speakers were making, in fact, that I underscored the whole purpose and basis of the conference: to be a success, you must believe in yourself, because you are just as good as anyone else. The self-doubt that still exists among women appears to be the biggest hindrance to their success. With imposter syndrome so prevalent, women become their own worst enemy, and often self-sabotage themselves out of opportunity.
Women’s conferences offer a lot for a day out of the office: A great lunch, fantastic speakers, amazing networking, and lots of interesting shopping. Women flock to these events both in person and online. Tickets for the Massachusetts Conference for Women were sold out weeks in advance. But it seems the messaging has become garbled. Women hear it, see it, write it on the walls, and it still hasn’t been fully embraced or internalized or believed. It’s like a person who can pronounce words correctly, but still does not understand their meaning. These are known to educators as “word callers”.
Are we women the “word callers” of confidence and conviction? We can say the words, write the words, and hear the words, but we still are timid and reluctant when it comes to living the words. We feel like we don’t belong, we don’t rate, we don’t deserve what we want. We feel like imposters, and we don’t believe things can be any other way. It seems to me, until women address imposter syndrome as the main obstacle to their progress, we will remain like sleepwalkers, feeling our way around in the dark, seeking the beacons of light of the last 50 years of feminism to lead the way?
“Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?” – Meryl Streep
Connect with Mary:
www.encoreexecutivecoaching.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marytosullivan/
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Read all Mary’s columns here: https://rinewstoday.com/mary-t-osullivan-msol-pcc-shrm-scp/
Mary T. O’Sullivan, Master of Science, Organizational Leadership, International Coaching Federation Professional Certified Coach, Society of Human Resource Management, “Senior Certified Professional. Graduate Certificate in Executive and Professional Career Coaching, University of Texas at Dallas. Member, Beta Gamma Sigma, the International Honor Society. Advanced Studies in Education from Montclair University, SUNY Oswego and Syracuse University. Mary is also a certified Six Sigma Specialist, Contract Specialist, IPT Leader and holds a Certificate in Essentials of Human Resource Management from SHRM.