When HR is not your friend – Mary T. O’Sullivan

By Mary T. O’Sullivan, contributing writer on business, leadership

“Don’t count on human resources to take your side in a workplace issue, especially if it involves a conflict with your boss”. – The New York Times

Searching Google, I found that there dozens, if not hundreds, of articles with the title “HR is Not your Friend.” Because of employees’ historic negative experiences dealing with HR, people dread having anything to do with that department. In my 30-year career working in large corporations, I’ve been warned to avoid the HR people at all costs. Phrases such as “stay away from HR” or “HR isn’t going to help you. They’re just an arm of management” came up repeatedly. When no other department is labeled as one to avoid, what is it that makes people shun HR?

In many cases, the bottom line is HR has a reputation for violating employees’ trust. If an employee has a legitimate harassment case, and an investigation takes place, how many times is it properly resolved? Usually what happens is the complainant “fails” to prove their case, and somehow suffers the indignity of a demotion, poor performance review, or termination. In a stunning statement for many workers, Peter Cappelli, of the Wharton School of Management says, “What people don’t understand is that ultimately, HR works for the company and the employer organization.”  “They have no particular obligations for you.”

In this way, HR’s role appears to be a shield for upper management. Without representation, employees are subject to the company’s whims, and HR carries out the blowback. Employees are forced to question the wisdom of making a complaint in the first place. If the person who has been harassed, discriminated against, not paid equitably, or treated in any other illegal way, it falls to HR to determine the remedy. But when nothing is done as a result of the effort put forth, there is no recourse and confidence in HR erodes. Unfortunately, people learn to absorb the culture of mistrust, and either put up with the toxicity, or quit.

A March 2024, survey published in The Guardian reported that more than a third of 1,005 small-business workers in the US didn’t trust their HR departments. Many would hire an employment attorney to represent them and negotiate on their behalf. But lawyers are expensive and not everyone can afford one This persistent lack of trust in HR and people’s limited resources has led employees to discover a new way to seek assistance: hire an independent HR service when dealing with workplace issues. One such company, called Caged Bird HR, fields employee complaints at a reasonable price.

For $99, Caged Bird dispenses advice about harassment, discrimination, or other job-related issues – stories workers would not feel safe sharing with their own employers’ HR representatives. Eighty percent of Caged Bird’s clients report mental health issues caused by toxic work environments that go unchecked. Clients learn options available to them that the company may not want them to know about, for instance a leave of absence for mental health.

Another service, BeeMail, sends one warning email to workplace offenders for only $25. The email reads as follows:

“The subject line of the email reads “Addressing Your Behavior”, with the body’s text written in a generic manner intended not to out a victim’s identity. “This is not a gotcha moment,” the message reads. “We’ve all made mistakes. This email is intended to make you aware of the issue and to prevent further escalation involving your employer. We hope to see this as an opportunity to reflect on your interactions and do better moving forward.”

The hope is that this email will be enough to discourage the existing bad behavior before it escalates. Because BeeMail only sends the email once, due to legal concerns, they recommend clients send it soon, if not immediately, after the offense takes place. (If only we knew about this sooner!)

While we all know HR departments are essential for organizational operations, such as payroll, recruiting, compensation and benefits, training and development, performance management, occupational safety and health, compliance, and employee relations, their primary responsibility is to the employer, which can sometimes conflict with the needs  of individual employees. It’s a tricky balancing act. HR professionals are tasked with ensuring employee needs are met, however they are obligated to protect the company’s own well-being, oftentimes focusing on how to prevent the organization from stumbling into any legal jeopardy. No matter how “people oriented” HR tries to be, these conflicting priorities will continue to happen. While finding the best solution sometimes seems impossible, employees need to understand that they are their own best advocate. Seeking a third party for advice and counsel can lead to a solution they can live with.

‘Instances have been reported where employees felt that after raising concerns with HR, their situations did not improve or even worsened”. – Buzz Feed

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Mary T. O’Sullivan, Master of Science, Organizational Leadership, International Coaching Federation Professional Certified Coach, Society of Human Resource Management, “Senior Certified Professional. Graduate Certificate in Executive and Professional Career Coaching, University of Texas at Dallas.

Member, Beta Gamma Sigma, the International Honor Society.

Advanced Studies in Education from Montclair University, SUNY Oswego and Syracuse University.

Mary is also a certified Six Sigma Specialist, Contract Specialist, IPT Leader and holds a Certificate in Essentials of Human Resource Management from SHRM.