To be a great Thanksgiving host, show your leadership qualities – Mary T. O’Sullivan

By Mary T. O’Sullivan, MSOL, contributing writer, business leadership

“For some of us, Thanksgiving dinner can include a cornucopia of intrusive, inappropriate and anxiety-producing comments from loved ones. “ The New York Times

Leaders face tough choices every day and learn to stay calm in conflict situations. Where does this challenge usually arise more than any other event than the annual family gathering known as Thanksgiving?

For many of us, the very idea of gathering with family and loved ones may prompt feelings of anxiety and dread. But, just like any other leadership challenge, it’s best to manage your expectations in advance. Regardless of the existing family tension or opposing opinions on hot topics, anticipating the upcoming holiday can sometimes feel like getting ready to step through a minefield. You feel as if you must “gird your loins”.

So how can leadership skills help guide you through the anxiety of Thanksgiving? You can maintain harmony and enjoy the day, if you stick to some basic rules. It doesn’t have to be a food fight!

As every leader knows, setting clear boundaries helps to control the direction of the mission. Making it plain to guests in advance that the day is set aside for thanks and appreciation, and that auditions for the high school debate team are not in alignment with the purpose of sharing the feast. It’s okay to interrupt a discussion that veers from the spirit of the day. “Should the conversation get tense during dinner, redirecting or deflecting to another topic can always help,” says an NPR reporter on crisis management. If a heated discussion comes up, change the conversation to a topic everyone can enjoy, like sports or movies. Ask, “what Netflix series have you been streaming?” or  “How ’bout them Patriots?” Thanksgiving is a great day to watch football or movies, so why waste it with useless arguments?

Exhibiting respect reflects another essential leadership quality. It may be nerve wracking to calm cankerous guests, but expressing respect for their argument can make them feel valued and may defuse further squabbles. Make sure to listen to their points and maybe inject some humor into the conversation. A mild joke interrupts the power struggle and eases tension. Telling a funny story or laughing at your own mistakes creates a sense of belonging and acceptance. Besides, there’s no better ice breaker than humor.

Know when the return on investment (ROI) isn’t worth it. There’s a famous Marshall Goldsmith video, only about five minutes long. It’s called “You Might Be Right, But Is It Worth It?” In this video, Dr. Goldsmith states that the biggest problem with leaders today is winning too much. When annoying remarks are said out loud, stop and breathe and ask whether what you are about to say or do is worth it. Not every argument needs to be won. Knowing when to disengage from a controversial or unpleasant subject helps the day go much more pleasantly. Guests will have less indigestion.

By following simple steps to use at the Thanksgiving table, you take back control of the situation and focus on what really matters: “connection, gratitude, and celebration.” With clear boundaries, respect for all, and evaluating arguments,  Thanksgiving can become a time of reconnection and togetherness that everyone can enjoy. So, as you get ready for Thanksgiving 2024, remember—”it’s okay to agree to disagree – and pass the gravy!”

“Clean out and make room in your emotional refrigerator (where you get nurtured) for more humor, laughter, and joy, especially around this time of year.  Take a daily dose of mirth as a re-laxative. It can prevent hardening of the attitudes.” –  Mahomet, Illonois Daily 

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Connect with Mary:

Mary T. O’Sullivan, Master of Science, Organizational Leadership, International Coaching Federation Professional Certified Coach, Society of Human Resource Management, “Senior Certified Professional. Graduate Certificate in Executive and Professional Career Coaching, University of Texas at Dallas.

Member, Beta Gamma Sigma, the International Honor Society.

Advanced Studies in Education from Montclair University, SUNY Oswego and Syracuse University.

Mary is also a certified Six Sigma Specialist, Contract Specialist, IPT Leader and holds a Certificate in Essentials of Human Resource Management from SHRM.contributing writer, business leadership.