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There’s no escaping toxic environments – Mary T. O’Sullivan
By Mary T. O’Sullivan, MSOL, contributing writer on business leadership
“Gallup research indicates that there’s approximately $500 billion in lost productivity annually, in the United States alone, due to negative behavior in organizations.” – David Emerald
During the last month, I’ve traveled twice to places with warm beaches and lots of sun. I spent time with precious family and friends, doing my best to de-stress and unwind from the grind of work. Because of the nature of my work, I’m like the doctor you meet at a cocktail party, who can’t escape the health questions that are on people’s minds. The same is true when people know you are an executive coach. The ensuing story came from a family gathering at Easter dinner.
Spending time with family in San Diego, I heard a shocking tale that even Hollywood couldn’t make up. At a business networking meeting, participants had an opportunity to present a 60-second elevator speech about another member’s business. Numbers were chosen at random, and when a number was called, each person rose to extol the salient features of the business represented by the number selected. Most of the time, these are routine commercial deliveries, generally complimentary to the business being pitched.
In one baffling case, when the person’s number was called, the member who picked the number did something shocking and totally out of character for that group of business professionals. Rather than remain seated, like everyone else, she proceeded to stand up on a chair, in front of about 30 group members, and in a high-pitched mocking voice, delivered a sarcastic 60-second rant representing the business of the member whose number she had unfortunately randomly picked. The person whose number was selected was completely humiliated and embarrassed, and to salvage her dignity, got up and left the meeting. An ethics report was made, and a meeting scheduled. However, the aggrieved party discovered that the ethics meeting had been hijacked by the perpetrator and her personal therapist, who attempted to facilitate the meeting. As you can imagine, the meeting did not go well, and there was little satisfaction and no clear resolution. The perpetrator did not apologize, and the injured party could do little but resort to recording the proceedings for future reference. The compromise position was that the perpetrator, an experienced sales executive, agreed to apply her business acumen to train the aggrieved party’s husband in her successful sales business.
This story underscores layers of issues in dealing with people in a professional setting. First and foremost, there is the matter of women undermining other women, especially in public. The person placed no value on tact or diplomacy, or consideration of the decorum of the group or of the feelings of the injured party. Then, there is the issue of the boldness of the perpetrator; she had no fear of reprisal or even concern about professional appearances. She just didn’t care. She wanted to make a point, and the circumstances were immaterial to her. She made a fool of herself in a public setting, and completely disregarded how her behavior would be perceived.
The incident is germane to the basis of my approach to executive coaching. There is no way to change people’s internal values or belief systems. We can only demand that certain behaviors are unacceptable and offensive and create guardrails to discourage and prohibit them from being repeated. In this case, the woman was blind to the unwritten guardrails of professional decorum, and allowed herself to blurt out whatever came to mind in a most objectionable way. She violated the standards of the group and faced very little consequence as a result. Compromise was the only point of negotiation. The group is local and doesn’t employ the stricter rules of more organized national associations. Therefore, professional common sense dictates the professional behaviors of the members.
How unfortunate that behavior devolves into mocking and humiliation without strict boundaries. You’d think a mature, successful woman, speaking in a professional setting, would know better. You’d think, but that would be giving this person the benefit of the doubt, where none is warranted.
“Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people.”- Israelmore Ayivor
Connect with Mary:
www.encoreexecutivecoaching.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marytosullivan/
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Connect with Mary:
www.encoreexecutivecoaching.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marytosullivan/
401-742-1965
Read all Mary’s columns here: https://rinewstoday.com/mary-t-osullivan-msol-pcc-shrm-scp/
Mary T. O’Sullivan, Master of Science, Organizational Leadership, International Coaching Federation Professional Certified Coach, Society of Human Resource Management, “Senior Certified Professional. Graduate Certificate in Executive and Professional Career Coaching, University of Texas at Dallas. Member, Beta Gamma Sigma, the International Honor Society. Advanced Studies in Education from Montclair University, SUNY Oswego and Syracuse University. Mary is also a certified Six Sigma Specialist, Contract Specialist, IPT Leader and holds a Certificate in Essentials of Human Resource Management from SHRM.