GriefSPEAK: So, speak easy – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias 

“… So, speak easy  

Speak easy from the start 

… no need to be so harsh 

If you want to get through to me – Speak easy…

When you listen to reply 

But not to understand 

You talk over me like it’s 

an upper hand 

We’re gonna get nowhere 

… seems that’s the plan 

If you want to make a point…  

There’s no need to raise your voice 

You get more with less…

So, speak easy…”

(Joe Martira/Dean Petrella, 2020 (Speak Easy) 

Grief comes in many disguises – anger, fear, sadness. A majority of Americans are angry, fearful and sad. I contend they are grieving over their perceived loss of the American Dream. We are at a loss. Many are losing their feeling of safety and lifestyle. They can’t afford food. They cannot afford gas. They can’t find infant formula. We feel like we are buried by inflation and once again, helpless, hopeless, and without a voice. We are still cautious with our words, worried that we will be ostracized or judged. I implore you to focus on the lyrics above and… speak easy. 

Mass shootings, gun control, education, abortion issues. We are divided, divisive and right fighting every day. Or… are we really? Is the media attempting to convince us that we are more divided than we are?

Matthew McConaughey spoke to this in his recent speech. We all have something in common. Perhaps the role of parent, child, sibling. We may not agree on our political views, but we can agree to disagree if we speak easy. There are some who are far right. There are some far left. But like McConaughey, I believe that the majority are in the middle.

The media plays a part in maintaining the divide and with that, the grief becomes complicated. Truth if difficult to find. Misinformation is not. Confirmation bias is alive and well. Keep in mind the warning of beware the OVT (one variable thinking). Each of the confounding issues mentioned above is a myriad of variables. 

Each argument is passionate, imploring, and sometimes violent. The most common question I hear is, “What is happening to our country?” I cannot answer that question. Yet a Reiki Master will tell you to “go with the flow of the universe”. Some do. Some fight. And many continue to grieve. 

So, speak your mind, but speak easy. 

_____

Dr. Mari Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

She is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to: http://gracepointegrief.com/ .

Dias is the author of GriefSPEAK, Vol. 1: Stories of Loss