GriefSPEAK: Inches of Loss. Navigating Grief like a Winter Snowstorm – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer on grief and grieving

Sometimes grief really is a lot like waiting for a snowstorm they warned you about. At first, you get that forecast—call it a diagnosis or just that piece of news that tells you something hard is on its way. And you find yourself in that anticipatory space, wondering how many inches of loss you’re going to have to shovel through.  Pre-arrangements at the funeral home, akin to the need for preparation for the storm, as just like folks run out for bread and milk before the blizzard, we gather up our emotional supplies. We brace ourselves, not knowing exactly how deep it’ll get, just hoping we’ve got enough to make it through.

When the loss finally arrives—like that storm rolling in—and we are afraid. Afraid for the safety of our loved ones, driving in the driving snow and ice. We worry. Just like the fear and worry we experience when death is at the doorstep. Then there’s the event itself. Loved ones surround the bedside, waiting for the last breath as we who are caught in the storm wait for the last snowflake. The last breath is also the last breath of the storm. And afterward, just like neighbors who emerge to clear driveways and share food, blankets and warmth with those who lost power, we find comfort in the camaraderie of the wake, the funeral. The collation. We gather, we share stories, we help each other dig out of that emotional snowdrift, and in doing so, we begin the cycle of healing.

And that’s how it goes, over and over, each storm a little different, each loss its own forecast, but always that same pattern of bracing, weathering, and then coming together on the other side.

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Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

She is an Adjunct Professor of Counseling and Psychology at both Johnson & Wales University and Community College of Rhode Island. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.   For more information, go to:    http://gracepointegrief.com/