GriefSPEAK: A Legacy of Love, One Card at a Time – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer

The month of June is rife with celebrations- weddings, anniversaries, graduations, and birthdays. Both my parents were born in June. This article is an open BIRTHDAY card to my mom. Read on. You will understand.

 98 years ago, Dottie Ferranti was born to humble beginnings in Providence, RI. In 1951 she married the boy next door and became Dottie Nardolillo. (See picture above- age 23. Dad was 22). She gave birth to one daughter and three sons.

They spent a great deal of time on the golf course and loyal members of the Alpine Country Club. From there her brood only grew with grandchildren and great grandchildren. She continues to touch everyone’s heart as “Mom,” “Grandma Dot,” “Auntie Dot,” “Nana Dot” and “Gigi.”

Today, as a widow of 25 years, (It was 2001 when dad choked on a piece of meat in a Florida restaurant) she has proved to be an independent force of nature, as well as a vagabond- she was a solo snowbird to Boca Raton for about 20 years! She is still driving to her mani/pedi and hair appointments as well as grocery shopping – “I drive better than I walk,” she quips!

NOTHING pleases our matriarch more than sending and receiving a physical card. She saves all and revisits them often, reveling in the memories. Her collection includes cards from the past thirty years. On the first day of every year, she sits, red marker in hand and slowly, laboriously goes through her new calendar, month by month, day by day until it is rife with red circled dates of 4 generations of family members, noting each birthday and anniversary.

Giving and receiving cards in mom’s world is equivalent to a research project. She will read each and every verse and if she doesn’t find just the right message, she will go to another store. And another. Until she finds – not just the “right” but the “perfect” verse.

In fact, I posted a version of this story on Facebook and dozens of people responded. One even remembered the time she received a congratulations card from mom – the woman had gotten a hole in one!

This week she took down the display of condolence cards acknowledging her older sister’s untimely death. She plans to replace and display them on her credenza and show each visitor her exhibit of cards.

I am her first born. I am her only daughter. I am first of three generations. I hand delivered a birthday card (after careful research) to enter her exhibit, to save, treasure and revisit often. She shows me her last card from dad, a Valentine Day’s card given to her just a week before he died.

She has recently decided that her 30+ years of cards should be placed in her casket. She believes it is best they just get tucked away in her casket.

She is my mom and today is her 98th birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom.

Love,

Me xoxo

___

Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias is an Adjunct Professor at CCRI, and Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/