GriefSPEAK: Death is why I am so Alive – Mari Dias, EdD, FT

By: Mari Dias, EdD, FT, contributing writer

This Fall, on the first day of my graduate course I asked my students to respond to the following question on an index card: “If I could answer one burning question of yours by the end of the semester, what would it be?  One student asked: “How do you stay so upbeat? You are so enthusiastic and joyful – in the face of your field of death and trauma.”

On occasion, other people have asked why I chose this field. Still others have asked how I personally feel about death. No one has ever asked about my enthusiasm and joy. Truth be told, I wasn’t even aware of this perception of me. It took me about 24 hours of quiet thoughts interrupted by a bit of perseveration until I reached what I now feel was so obvious I overlooked it!

I am a positive, life-loving, glass half-full person. I love life and everything that comes with it. And it is not in spite of my work; it is because of my work.  Yes, the stories I hear are heartbreaking – particularly traumatic/sudden death. Yet, these stories consistently reinforce the magnitude and temporary nature of life. It can pretty much be over in a Pico second. In the shower, on a boat fishing, reading quietly before bed. We can never know. In the same vein as wondering when a new life will be born – “Water broke. In labor. How dilated is she?”  We cannot predict the exact minute of birth, nor can we predict the exact moment of death. Even if someone has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, and we know they will die soon, the minute they take their last breath, we are shocked. “I didn’t expect it today!”

For me, the fragility of life magnifies the importance of life. If life expectancy were exponentially longer, (perhaps 150 years) I think I might neglect to recognize the gift. The finiteness. Because life IS a gift.

I also use the following at the beginning of each class meeting to emphasize the importance of each hour of each day.
“Today is your day.” Know you will never be as young as you are today, Know you will never be as old as you are today and… You will never have THIS day again.

Do what you will with this day.

___

Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias is an Adjunct Professor at CCRI, and Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/