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“Dear Dee” – Should we move or break up? – I’m still not getting what I want!

By Donna Rustigian Mac, “Dear Dee” Advice Columnist

Dear Dee-Episode 10

Well hello—it’s Dee…with your communication advice for the week…so you can speak your truth, be clear, honest, forthright and influential. Let’s create healthy human connections….and trusted relationships in your personal and professional life.  

Have you listened to the Q&A on audio?

Dear Dee,

My partner has just been offered a new job that requires us to move to Texas. We have lived in New England our whole lives. I have a great job right now and I want to support my partner and their career but I honestly have no interest moving to Texas. How do I communicate that I would like us to stay without having my partner think I am not supporting their career?

T.G.

Dear T.G.

In every healthy, committed relationship, there’s give and take and compromise…and consistent communication! Hopefully, you’ve talked about your hopes and dreams and what you want and need well before now.

Be honest with your partner. Begin by telling them that you love and support them and their career. Then start a dialog by asking some questions. Like how excited is your partner about the job and moving to Texas? Is this job a huge career booster?

You told me that you didn’t want to move to Texas. Is this something you told your partner before he/she/they applied? Is it Texas you have an aversion to or anyplace outside of New England?   What else in important for your partner to know?

You both need to honestly share your thoughts, listen intently, keep emotions in check, and be well aware of how you’re feeling. You may need more than one conversation about this very big opportunity.

When partners take time, deeply care and listen to each other, solutions to even the biggest problems will begin unfold.  If the two of you are worlds apart, that may be where you’re headed.

Dear Dee,

How do I keep balance between being friendly and demanding?

R. A.

Dear R.A.,

Let’s take demanding right out of your vocabulary. When someone is demanding, they might get what they want in the moment, but that’s not the way to make friends or keep any relationship healthy.

It may be that you think you need to be demanding because you’re not getting what you want and need. Instead try becoming more influential.

When you ask for what you need begin your conversation with WHY it’s important. Try to site why it matters to all involved…to you and them. When someone hears what matters to them, they much more apt to listen, get curious and possibly be persuaded.

So down with demanding and up with influence. And next you ask, try to use as few words as possible. And know when to stop to “stand in silence”. Silence speaks volumes.

Donna Rustigian Mac is the Founder and Chief People Officer at iVoice Communication, dedicated to creating healthy human connections through high level effective communication.

Donna is an executive communication coach workforce trainer and motivational speaker with more than 3 decades of experience. www.iVoiceCommunication.com

Donna is also the author of Guide to a Richer Life, Know Your Worth, Find Your Voice and Speak Your Truth and the creator of The Six Pillars of Effective Communication.

Donna’s undergraduate degree is in Liberal Arts and Humanities. She has also studied psychology at Lesley University, with Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence), and is a certified mindfulness teacher with continuing studies at Brown University’s Center for Mindfulness.

During her career, Donna has partnered with Clear Channel Communication and The Speech Improvement Company, the oldest speech communication company in the United States. Clients include Merrill Lynch, Cambridge Associates, The Massachusetts Banker’s Association, CVS Health and many others.

In addition to her work, Donna is an avid runner, skier, gardener and the mother of two kind, strong and successful millennials who have the great ability to communicate!