GriefSpeak: Matthew’s Miracle

By: Mari Dias

Both Matthew and his teenage son came down with a cold. The PCP gave them an antibiotic and Matthew’s son improved within days; however, Matthew did not. Following 3 weeks of continued flu-like symptoms, Matthew contacted his PCP again. Upon a repeat visit, the PCP prescribed a steroid.

Several days later Matthew was found at home on the floor, unresponsive. 911 was called and upon arrival to the ER Matthew was intubated. His levels across the board were lethal. His body temperature was 88, his sugars 900, kidneys were failing, lungs showed double pneumonia and lesions, (but tuberculosis was ruled out), and his white cell count was in the range with that of a cancer or leukemia patient. Tests indicated it was not an infection. Not corona virus.  Matthew was transferred to ICU, with doctors indicating it was an hour to hour intensive watch to see if he survives.

Matthew was put into a medically induced coma and kept in quarantine for airborne disease.  He was released from the coma during the quarantine but with associated delusions, confusion, disorganized speech and a flight of thoughts. Matthew reports experiencing his “all time low” during this time. He describes this as “a heavy adrenaline rush” or a “a re-boot of his mind.  Following weeks of testing and treatment there did not seem to be a diagnosis. The medical community knew what it wasn’t, but not what it was. Matthew went through physical rehabilitation and 14 pints of blood following 2 colonoscopies to determine the location of the bleeding. Following 3 weeks of hospitalization, Matthew was released from the hospital into his beloved state replete with water and sunshine – two of the most effective climate environments for healing. Matthew survived.

Matthew is a 55-year-old male with 4 children and 3 grandchildren (one born while he was hospitalized). Moreover, Matthew is a diabetic. Research on steroids for diabetics indicates problematic issues. Sugars and medications must be closely monitored as steroids raise sugar levels and require close monitoring to ameliorate risk factors. Perhaps Matthew was in a diabetic coma – and/or experiencing diabetic ketoacidosis. We don’t know. But we do know that he is alive and well, albeit frail and thin.

You’re probably wondering whether Matthew saw a bright light or visited heaven or spoke to God. We know of the legions of empirical data on the incidence of these reported near death experiences.  Matthew reports that he did not have any visual experiences, but he “felt” God speaking to him, telling him he would survive, and a message to “pay it forward.” Matthew also reminds us that hearing is the last to go and warns us about what we say when we are visiting a loved one in a coma. He states that he could hear everything that was said but was unable to respond. ESPN was a welcome sound, but his sibling’s tears and sadness brought frustration as he wanted to tell them to stop. He had no way to communicate nor did he know where he was or what happened. His description reminds me of Jean-Dominique Bauby’s description of locked-in syndrome in his book “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”; however, Bauby could communicate by blinking one eye, the only part of his body that he could move following a stroke.

It behooves us to take care of our health and question our doctors. The PCP knew Matthew was a diabetic. Why prescribe steroids without a discussion of the risk factors as well as the medication management for diabetes with steroids? Perhaps the steroids were not a factor – although one must question sugar levels of 900!

There is a saying “Live like you’re dying.” Matthew learned this the hard way. He agrees that we all think “we have more time.” Matthew now does have more time. And so, do we. We just don’t know how long. It’s the dash between our birth date and death date that is important. As Mary Oliver queries, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”  Make the dash count.

Names and locations have been changed to insure confidentiality and prevent identification

Dr. Mari Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief.

She is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/