GriefSPEAK: Between Dreams and Visitations: Navigating the Nighttime Landscape of Grief – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer, grief and grieving

Between Dreams and Visitations: Navigating the Nighttime Landscape of Grief

“Whenever I Want You All I Have to Do is Dream..” Everly Brothers

Josephine’s son, George, passed last month and although she experiences many signs that seem to be irrefutable, she waits for an evening when he appears in a dream. She was recently blessed with a phone call from her stepsister, Gina, who was excited to share that she had a vivid dream about her father, who said he was “folding blankets to make up the beds in heaven.” Her father looked up at her and said he was told “not to forget to make up a bed for the new boy.” When Gina turned to look, it was George looking back at her.”

This is only one example of the grief dreams that my clients share during their sessions. Joshua Black’s research finds that about 86% of people who have grief dreams find them comforting and helpful in their grief. Although many clients report feeling a touch from their loved one, Black leans toward the idea that it’s more of our mind’s natural way of dealing with loss. In the Journal of Dreaming, we find that these visitation-type dreams concur, with Black stating they are therapeutic and comforting. In addition, surveys like the one from Pew Research find that the majority of American Grievers dream about their deceased loved one.

Several additional stories on grief dreams and perceived visitations are included In my books, GriefSPEAK: Stories of Loss Volumes I and II. When dreaming about my father, I for one always smell the scent of his cigar a second or two before he comes into my Dream. Visitation? Whatever your belief, such dreams/visitations are comforting, therapeutic and bittersweet – I know mine are!

References

• Black, J., Belicki, K., & Ralph, A. (2024). Grief dreams and continuing bonds: A qualitative inquiry. Dreaming, 34(2), 101-115. [DOI link]
• Germain, A. (2013). Sleep disturbances as the hallmark of PTSD: Clinical and neurobiological implications. Death Studies, 37(4), 347-363.
• Wright, A. A., Zhang, B., & Ray, A. (2013). Associations between end-of-life discussions, patient mental health, and caregiver bereavement adjustment. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, 30(7), 660-665

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Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias was an Adjunct Professor and was Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/