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“Dear Dee” – Telling your partner you need counseling – Cut off when you speak?

by Donna Rustigian Mac, “Dear Dee…” Advice Columnist

How to tell your partner you need counseling! Someone cutting you off when you speak? Here’s your communication and relationship advice for the week!

Dear Dee – Episode 14

Well hello—it’s Dee…with your communication advice for the week…so you can speak your truth, be clear, forthright and influential. Let’s create healthy human connections….and trusted relationships in your personal and professional life.  

Listen to my advice, by clicking on this audio – or read it, below!

Dear Dee,

My partner and I have been going through a rough patch and I’m afraid things aren’t going to work out. I don’t want to split up and I would like to see a counselor with them, to try and work on our relationship. How can I bring this up without having my partner be offended that I don’t think things are going in the best direction?

Sad and Nervous

Dear Sad and Nervous,

Take a big, huge breath here. Think, for just a moment, what will happen if you choose not to communicate your feelings to your partner. It sounds like what you’re doing here is you’re trying to avoid your partner’s discomfort while you suffer. In every healthy relationship, there is clear communication. So…a few things.

#1: Remember, you are worthy. So, start communicating with yourself. Ask yourself specifically how you are feeling and what you are needing.

#2: Then tell your partner how you feel and what you need, as soon as you can. Keep your communication to your partner simple…just one or two descriptive words.

If you think your relationship is in trouble and you need counseling, consider a session or two on your own so you can get clear with your feelings and needs.

Then, if you think the two of you need counseling together, articulate that, calmly yet powerfully to your partner. When you broach the subject, tell your partner why this is important to your relationship. It can be as simple as saying something like, “our relationship is one of the most important things on earth to me. AND, I certain I need some couples counseling to keep it healthy. Please come with me.”

Be clear about your feelings and needs and make your communication less about you and more about your relationship. Then, see what happens. If your partner gets super offended or overly upset, let them take time to think about it. If resistance persists, it’ll be YOUR turn to think about if you’re with the right partner.

Dear Dee,

What do you do with someone who likes to cut you off when you speak?

Slighted

Dear Slighted,

First, my condolences. To be cut off when you speak feels terrible. If it happens consistently, it makes a person feel like they don’t matter, and their opinions aren’t valued.

Try this. Next time this person cuts you off, say, “excuse me, I wasn’t done speaking”. Then take a breath, thank them for giving you the floor, and then, continue your thoughts.

The first time you do this may feel awkward. But redirecting someone who cuts you off will get easier with time and practice.

_______________

Dear Dee is published every week. To send your “Dear Dee,” question – in complete confidence – just email: Dee@iVoicecommunication.com – Put “Dear Dee” in the subject line. Please keep your information private in not identifying specific people – and sign your note with your initials or as you would like it to appear – such as “Perplexed in Providence”.

This is Dee, signing out for today, creating healthy human connections through high level effective communication. You can find me at iVoiceCommunication.com. That’s the letter i…Voice Communication.com