Subscribe!
GriefSPEAK: Collectively, we grieve – Mari Nardolillo Dias
By: Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer
We board a bus we board a plane.
In some cases, we have only a name.
Of the one behind the steering wheel.
With only a voice we know that they’re real.
On faith we’re in their capable hands
Not really knowing all of God’s plans.
Safe travels to our destination.
Work or play or celebrations.
There is a clock ticking no one can see.
No crystal ball showing our destiny.
Hold close to your heart all those you hold dear.
It’s all in God’s hands, there’s nothing to fear (Lyrics by Joe Martira, 2025)
I was lying on the couch, wearing a sweatshirt and pajama pants, snuggled up with Mercy (my dog) and scrolling through emails. A difficult day that was ending with a modicum of peace and solace. Not knowing that at that very moment, people on a plane took their last breath. Then. The breaking news. American Airline’s plane and a military Blackhawk helicopter collide mid-air. Into the freezing Potomac River. All deceased.
Where were you last night? I remember exactly where I was, and with whom, as well as the weather and what I wore when I first heard about John Lennon. JFK. 9/11. Sandy Hook. Parkland. Columbine. And many more. As they say, they are etched in my brain. In permanent marker. I wonder if this week’s tragedy will join them.
The news morphs into images of those lost. Hamaad Raza received a text from his wife on board, which declared “landing in 20 minutes.” A figure skater’s Instagram post reveling in his qualifying for nationals. Spencer Lane and his mom, Christine, from Barrington, Rhode Island. Spencer’s recent Instagram picture, taken from the plane includes his words of excitement “An amazing experience! … I learned so much new information that I can apply to my everyday life and met so many amazing people.” Jinna Han and her mom, Jim from Mansfield, Massachusetts. Now it is hitting closer to home.
James Moyler, who was on the flight that was scheduled to land 2 minutes behind the American flight. In his TikTok video, he states that “he was so close to death,” fortunate and grateful.
His seatmate’s daughter was on the doomed flight as a flight attendant.
We are collectively grieving. As the days pass, more images, more biographies of the deceased and the families they left behind will surface. The news will focus on the “hows”- to prevent it from happening again. They will have different questions than we do. Our questions are “whys.” Why that flight? Why those people? And… did they know what was happening” Did they suffer? Please answer with “No”. They were all so elated from the adrenaline rush of the skating competition. Is that a good time to die – at one of your happiest moments?
I do not have the answers. Although I am reminded daily how quickly life can stop.
In the words of Martira:
“Safe travels to our destination.
Work or play or celebrations.
There is a clock ticking no one can see.
No crystal ball showing our destiny.
Hold close to your heart all those you hold dear.
It’s all in God’s hands, there’s nothing to fear.
___
Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK
Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.
Dias is an Adjunct Professor at CCRI, and Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI. For more information, go to: http://gracepointegrief.com/