GriefSPEAK: Everything old is new again? – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD – contributing writer on grief, grieving

I suspect that many of you are familiar with this phrase. Is it true? Current fashion trends indicate that it may be, as it is with other facets of society. Today’s client bemoaned this adage, stating that “I only wish some cultural and American traditions would return!” Valerie, a young 70-year-old stated that “people are throwing out the baby with the bath water! (another old phrase).

Those that are against the phrase “Make America Great Again” feel it portends going back to ALL the old beliefs, norms, and traditions, rather than sifting through what is germane to their lifestyles and dismissing what is not. Valerie regrets the loss of handwritten notes, family dinners.

Civility and respect. She indicated that her friend would not be attending the wake of a friend from work. When pressed, he said, “The only person I know is the deceased. Why would I attend to express my condolences to people I have never met?”

According to Valerie, “Those of us from the “old school” of tradition would not entertain the thought of dismissing the wake of a friend for any reason. We would not prioritize a video game or hours on Tik Tok over a family Sunday dinner. “I love the old ways”, Valerie mused. “The old values of family, God, country. Why are these values frowned upon? Why does the acronym MAGA cause some to experience a meltdown?

As a teacher, Valerie shared a story concerning a research project on the declining use of condoms. When she posed this thesis statement to her class, the majority of students collectively agreed that there is no rational reason to use them. Shocked, Valerie inquired further, as she is from the generation of HIV/AIDS. She told me that they agreed that there are no consequences to having sex without a condom. “AIDS”? she asked. “No, there are medications”. “STDs?” No, antibiotics.” “Pregnancy?” “Well, day after pill, abortion, have the child-lots of options. No real negative consequences.” Valerie expressed her disdain for what she perceived as the “new wave.” For Valerie, this experience cemented her concern over the disposal of old values.

Of course, I cannot answer these questions. I can cite both psychological and sociological research studies, generational studies of millennials and the impact of COVID on norms and values. 

Hopefully, in many of these cases the old will become new again.

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Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias is an Adjunct Professor at CCRI, and Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/