GriefSPEAK: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer

I recently revisited the iconic, allegorical parable from the book “Who Moved My Cheese”? by Spencer Johnson. Often used as a “motivational business fable” (New York Times), the 4 characters display varying reactions to change and pitfalls. The characters, two mice (Sniff and Scurry) and two “littlepeople” (Hem and Haw) search for cheese (happiness and success) live in a maze. Each has a different approach to change as reflected in the four characters’ approach to finding cheese in a maze.

Sniff and Scurry are instinctive and “simple minded” and thus run the same path in the maze. Once they find it, they eat it and move on. Hem becomes paralyzed with the idea of change and stays where the cheese originally was (before they ate it all, expecting it to return.) When it doesn’t, and he is weak and starving, he blames others and believes it’s not fair. His friend, Haw, despite Hem’s protestations, leaves to explore the maze, often getting lost, but never deterred. He eventually finds a huge stockpile of cheese, and Sniff and Scurry are already there.

Haw reflects on what he has learned during his pursuit. Throughout his quest, Haw writes down the valuable lessons on the walls of the maze, with hopes that Hem will let go of his doubts and move forward, thus reading the motivational quotes that Haw has left for him.

One of the questions that Haw poses on the wall of the maze is “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” I find this a powerful question, as it assumes we are all afraid. Of something. He does not ask what you are afraid of, but how might you respond to a thought, feeling or behavior if you were not fearful.

Change can be scary, as we see with Hem. Change is unknown, often makes us feel vulnerable and opens the door to potential hurt. This message is not just for business and industry, as I have used it both in workshops and with my grieving clients who often feel paralyzed, but initially rarely recognize the feeling as fear. They might say they are “angry, sad, stuck, numb or have difficulty letting go of ineffective emotions (guilt). I often ask: “To what end?”

That question has recently morphed into Hem’s question. Your response to this question may prove to be powerful and insightful and provide you with a new thought process and avenue of behavior. So…
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

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Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/