GriefSpeak: Seasons of Love – Dr. Mari Dias

By: Dr. Mari Dias

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure? Measure a year?

In daylights,
In sunsets,
In midnights,
In cups of coffee,
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in a life?  (Seasons of Love from the Broadway Musical “Rent”, 1996, Jonathan Larson)

How do we measure a Year?

Maya had a stroke on what would have been her 70^th wedding anniversary. Her husband Gregory died 2,955,320 minutes before she did. (See GriefSpeak-Stories of Loss, Volume 1, page 144). They met as children, when Gregory pretended he was a priest and held “mass” in his basement every weekend. Maya lived close by, and Gregory told me he saw her hanging out the laundry on the clothesline and fell in love. Immediately. Despite the fact that they were just children. As adults, they married. Gregory lived an exciting life as a professional hockey goalie and Maya sat in the stands and cheered him on. Religiously, though, he was no longer a pseudo priest, but a hockey star.

She was always a pleasure when I stayed with Gregory. Her son Adam and his wife Rebecca would take Maya out for lunch at her favorite restaurants and go for a drive or a quick stop at the grocery store or others of her choice. It was difficult for Maya to stay at home all day, all week with Gregory.  He was struggling with ALS, and I was his end-of-life companion. Maya was always so loving and patient with his fragilities’ and supported him through the end of his life.

That was hundreds of seasons of love ago. This week I attended Maya’s funeral. All their memories are gone with them, although their son Adam, holds some of them. In fact, Adam was at the dentist with his daughter, at the same time Maya was on the floor at home having a stroke. Guess what story he was reading? My “GriefSpeak” book. You guessed it!  Page 144.

Gregory also came to see Maya during her last days. He was calling her to join him. Her intravenous bag just dropped to the floor without any provocation. Their son, Adam, told me he knew dad was in the room when the nurse said she had never seen that happen before.

Adam’s eulogy at the funeral mass capsulized Maya’s persona:

“Mom had a natural sense of class and dignity, adding charisma in everything she did… Mom was honest yet tactful… once she put her heart and soul into a relationship or a cause, she was into it forever… she was everything a husband, son, grandchild, daughter-law and friend could ask for in a person. The Earth has lost an angel and heaven just got better.”

How do we measure a year?

Adam’s eulogy of his mom shows us that most people who die are not ordinary. Their lives may seem ordinary to the casual reader of obituaries, but they are extraordinary. Extraordinary to one or many who loved them and were touched and influenced by their existence. Certainly, for Adam and the rest of the family.

Maya and Gregory had many seasons of love. How do you measure a year in a life?

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Dr. Mari Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief.

She is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/

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Dr. Dias is the author of GriefSpeak – Stories of Loss