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GriefSPEAK: Irish Eyes – Mari Nardolillo Dias
by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer on grief and grieving
The literature states that the most common time of death is between 2am and 5am. Not so for Margaret. It seems she had a plan. As the matriarch of a large Irish family of thirty-nine children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren: the most recent 3 weeks before her passing. She enjoyed times with this brood more than anything. In January of 2025, Margaret celebrated her 90th birthday party, with her entire family, friends and even several of her high school friends!
The birthday bash was a smash, yet her birthday came second to her favorite day, which was Saint Patrick’s Day. March 17, 2025, was no different. Having attended church to receive her ashes on Ash Wednesday, Margaret knew her next big event was close at hand. Once again, the family rallied around, sporting their green tee shirts and hats, while her grandson played, “When Irish eyes are smiling” on the accordion. They ate, they danced and, as they looked over at Margaret, they noticed she was moving both arms in the air in a particular fashion. They soon recognized Margaret was playing the harp, an instrument she played as a child. Margaret played her imaginary harp, a chorus of voices, along with Margaret’s belted out the lyrics. It was a grand day!
On the following morning, Margaret told one of her daughter’s that she “was done.” She chose to stop eating and drinking, even though she was not at the end of life. She passed away at 10:50 am on Friday, March 21st – 3 days following her favorite day of the year with her favorite people. During those three days, Margaret spoke of a group of young girls dressed in all white. She thought they were making their first communion. Her family knew they were angels waiting to greet her. And angels they were. Margaret also spoke of her six children, asking for a picture of the group and for her late husband. She could hear him but could not see him. And she spoke of going on a vacation. One of the most common signs of transitioning.
Margaret chose her time of passing on her own time, in her own way. She was done. Finished. It was a blessed life and a blessed death. Rest in Peace, Margaret. I knew you when…
‘There is a tear in your eye and I’m wondering why,
For it never should be there at all;
With such pow’r in your smile, sure a stone you’d beguile,
So there’s never a tear-drop should fall;
When your sweet lilting laughter’s like some fairy song,
And your eyes twinkle bright as can be;
You should laugh all the while and all other times, smile,
And now smile a smile for me.
When Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure it’s like a morn in Spring,
In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing.
When Irish hearts are happy,
All the world seems bright and gay,
And when Irish eyes are smiling,
Sure, they steal your heart away.
For your smile is a part of the love in your heart,
And it makes even sunshine more bright;
Like the linnet’s sweet song, crooning all thday long,
Comes your laughter so tender and light;
For the spring-time of life is the sweetest of all,
There is ne’er a real care or regret;
And while spring-time is ours throughout all of youth’s hours,
Let us smile each chance we get”
___
Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.
Dias is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI. For more information, go to: http://gracepointegrief.com/