GriefSPEAK: Gracie. Our Gracie- Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer

Photo: Gracie Lou Freebush (Miss Congeniality) June 4, 2007- October 23, 2023

“She’s a good girl, loves her mama, Loves Jesus and America too … She’s a good girl… And {she’s} free falling…” (Tom Petty)

The year was 2007. My daughter of the traveling pants was away (as per usual). She no longer inhabited an apartment, but had made a purchase of a new home. And with a new home comes the idea of a dog.

Before she left, she mentioned that she had seen a new breed of dog on television. A Puggle. A cross between a Pug and a Beagle. I went online and purchased the cutest Puggle I could find. Had her flown in. When I picked up my daughter and her friend at the airport, I mentioned that we had to go over to cargo to pick something up. They both huffed. They were tired and anxious to get home. Until she saw the little 5-pound Puggle’s face looking out at her from the traveling crate. As they say, it was love at first sight. And remained so for 16 years.

Gracie was more than a grand pup to me. Given my daughter’s propensity for traveling, Gracie spent most of her vacations with “Grammy”. She was my dog Meuccio’s best friend, and more recently a companion to my Mercy. But, Gracie was getting tired. She was declining and her life did not have the quality she once had. My daughter made the difficult decision to have her “put to sleep.” The procedure was scheduled for a Monday.

The weekend before my daughter took Gracie to McDonalds for a cheeseburger, and to an ice cream parlor for a doggie cone. (Gracie was a foodie but her digestive issues prevented her from indulging anything but special kibble. They went to the beach, to Newport, and for a walk in the fresh air. At this point Gracie was in a stroller because she could no longer walk, but loved the attention despite the confines of the stroller.

I joined my daughter on Monday. We brought Gracie to the vet. My daughter held her in her lap as we both told her how much we loved her and what a good girl she was. It was minutes before the veterinarian brought the stethoscope to Gracie’s heart and declared that she was “gone.” I did not expect the onslaught of ugly tears. We both sobbed uncontrollably as the doctor left us to sit with Gracie for as long as we wanted. We wrapped her in a blanket that became wet with our tears, and still we hesitated to leave. I exited the waiting room to allow my daughter her time alone with “the grayster.” My daughter took two days out of work to grieve. After all, Gracie was like her daughter. They lived alone together for 16 years. I grieved Gracie as well as my daughter’s pain. I haven’t been able to look at a picture of Gracie until today. Too many tears.

Gracie’s ashes in her urn, along with her paw print, nose print, and a painting sit in a memorial area in my daughter’s living room. It is heartbreaking. Our pets are our family. We always have someone waiting at home eager to see us. And then we don’t. My daughter said she will never get another dog because she cannot think about going through the pain again.

Recently my daughter and I went out to dinner. During a quiet moment she disclosed the following… ”I think my next dog will be a Dalmador. (Dalmation and Lab mix). I was shocked. She said… maybe next summer. RIP Gracie.

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Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

She is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/