GriefSPEAK: From the diary of a 70-year-old woman – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer on grief and grieving

From the diary of a 70 year old woman:

“This has been a difficult couple of weeks. I am in need of an outlet for a stream of consciousness approach to my thoughts. Or perhaps in medias res. I am trying to avoid the predictable, linear course of beginning, middle and end. Enough said.

My life is becoming unpopulated. I delete phone contacts who have passed. I delete social media accounts for the same reason. I attend death bed vigils. From an 86-year-old aunt who breathes peacefully and comfortably until that last breath, waiting and wanting to die,  to my 62-year-old friend who heard me speak and responds by squeezing my hand, yet the tears rolled down his cheeks. Slowly and hesitantly. Waiting and not wanting to die. 

I have reached an age where my death will not be surprising.  I could wallpaper an entire room with obituaries and still not have enough room. An old birthday invitation that includes pictures of everyone in attendance fades as so many no longer populate my life. What is it, this thing we call life? I suggest to clients that they reframe this sense of existential distress by focusing on what they still have. Easier said than done.  (non sequitur coming up)….And might I add how angry I am at those in a hurry to nowhere who cut through funeral processions as if this last ride is like any other. It is not.

I’m tired of participating in the parade of the last ride. High beams and blinkers on. The yellow FUNERAL banner on the dashboard. It will only continue. Much of the rest of my life will be saying goodbye. 

…And then I think, “I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello.”

Phew! Thank you for this momentary catharsis. 

Hello.”

___

Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias was an Adjunct Professor and was Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/