GriefSPEAK: Death ends a life. Not a relationship – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer on grief and grieving

The pictures on my refrigerator door have morphed throughout time. High school graduation yearbook pictures morphed into wedding photos and images of newborns. Today all refrigerator photos have been replaced with obituaries and prayer cards. In addition, many images of pets who have crossed the rainbow bridge grace the door, while interrupting the obituaries. 

I stumbled across an original design of my fortieth birthday invitation that included pictures of everyone invited. I thought “If I cut out each of the pictures of my birthday guests who have passed it would appear as a huge puzzle with at least a third of the pieces missing”. 

And then there are my Facebook memories. They pop up when least expected and often include more faces of those who have passed… And my cell phone – I can’t find a reason to delete all the contacts.

I am feeling a bit nostalgic today – it would have been my brother, Bobby’s, 70th birthday. I found myself rereading the condolences on the funeral home website. Yet, as I review the impact Bobby had on everyone, I think…

It is not sadness that accosts me as I write this. I know that all these people in my life are with me. Still. I can and do speak to most on a regular basis – and I am confident I know what their response would be. I still have a relationship. I know them. I know them well… And throughout this reverie I realize there is no need to cut out pictures or delete contacts. They are all still very much a part of my life.

“Death ends a life. Not a relationship”.

Happy 70^th birthday in heaven, Bobby!

___

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

She is an Adjunct Professor of Counseling and Psychology at both Johnson & Wales University and Community College of Rhode Island. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/