GriefSPEAK: But, Harry, what was death like, what was it like? – Mari Nardolillo Dias

by Mari Nardolillo Dias, EdD, contributing writer, grief and grieving

Harry, a five year old, was standing on his front lawn with a rather peculiar object that made a foreign sound.

“Hey Harry, What’s that you have in your hand?” I queried. Harry is an exceptionally loquacious and precocious child.

“Well, it makes a sound to keep bears away. Did you know there have been bear sightings in the neighborhood? Although I’m wondering if maybe it can also make a sound that makes the bear come in the winter when you want to see a bear. Did you see the bear that climbed in the back of someone’s truck And another bear that broke into someone’s car with her two little cubs? I saw both the video clips – it was crazy Did you see the article in the newspaper about when I fell through the ice?”

He hadn’t taken a breath during this entire diatribe; however, I stopped him when he mentioned falling through the ice. 

“What happened, Harry?” How old were you?

Henry replied: (interrupting his sentences with the sound of the bear go-away (his name for the toy. ) “I was five, and I’m still five, but you know you have to be five for a very long time. Me and my friend were playing on a pond near my house we thought it was frozen all of a sudden I heard a crack sound, and just like that, I fell through the ice for a long time just my head was sticking out and the rest of my body was underwater then my head went under. My mom came and pulled me out I ‘m going to kindergarten this year.”

I held my breath during this entire rant, and exhaled only to ask: “What was it like under the ice, Harry?”

“Oooooooo, you don’t want to know that! It was not good. It was very, very cold and black. Dark black. And freezing. 

“Were you scared?”

“What do you think? I told you! You wouldn’t want to hear about it!” But mom pulled me out, and here I am!” I’m safe. Now, I’m fighting bears.” 

In my business of grief, we spend a great deal of time in philosophical debate on what is death like? Is reincarnation real? Do people who experience NDAs (Near Death Experiences) really meet God?

This was a conversation I wanted to have with Harry, but he was obviously too young, albeit probably philosophical. I was just walking down the street. If I hadn’t let my curiosity stop me to ask this little boy about the toy, I would not have been privy to this amazing life story. Has he been on the pond again? He will this winter when it’s frozen. He is not triggered. He is no longer scared.

(I did confirm the veracity of this story with his mother, who informed me that everything Harry had said was truth.)

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Access all of Dr. Dias’ columns at: GRIEFSPEAK

Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.

Dias was an Adjunct Professor and was Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, at Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI.  For more information, go to:  http://gracepointegrief.com/