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“Dear Dee” – Communication and Relationship Advice
Well hello—it’s Dee…with your communication advice for the week…so you can create healthy human connections….that means trusted relationships in your personal and professional life.
Our first question today:
Dear Dee,
How can I prevent repetitive speaking which I find myself doing all the time?
S.J.
Dear S.J.
Improving communication skills begins with awareness so it’s good that you’re mindful. Some people get caught up in repetitive speaking forever. They don’t realize this can be a turn off…and make listeners tune out.
I don’t know you personally, S.J. so it’s your job to find the root of problem. Are you a repetitive speaker because this was how you were conditioned by your family? Or do you speak repetitively because you are not relaxed when communicating? Does it happen with everyone you speak with or only a certain few?
Either way, repetitive speaking is a communication habit that you can break through reconditioning. When you catch yourself speaking repetitively, just note it. Don’t beat yourself up or make yourself wrong. Remember, repetitive speaking is easy for you—this is how you’re used to speaking so I suggest you lean into your resistance…which will actually feel awkward in the beginning. But the more you consciously try to speak differently, the easier it will become.
It will also be helpful to think about what you will gain or lose by breaking this habit. Could you gain confidence, stronger connections? If you continue status quo will you lose opportunities or people?
And give yourself time. If you wish to communicate differently, you have to be willing to do the work and learn the skills. Remember, effective communication is a practice.
Our next question…
Dear Dee,
I’m looking to put a down payment on a building that I want to turn into my future business. I’m not doing well financially and I want to ask my friend to lend me some money. How can I ask them in a way that won’t make them feel like I’m begging or pressuring them to lend me the money?
I.C.
Dear I.C.,
Woooo…let’s take a step back here. If you are not doing well financially, do not become more indebted. Whenever we ask anything of anyone, we always seek a ‘win-win-win” (for you, them and the greater good). So, if you’re not in a good place with money, become more economically self-sufficient first. Remember, the most important person with whom to communicate is yourself. So, ask yourself a few questions. How will you feel when you have this extra debt? Will you be able to make reasonable monthly payment to pay the money back? What will this do to your friendship? And if you own this building, will it take away from your ability to go on vacation? Buy a home? Start that business?
After communicating with yourself, I.C., if you want a productive conversation with this friend, perhaps you can begin, by asking them to help you become more accountable with your money. Then you might want to tell them not to let this loan happen at this time, no matter how influential you become. Communicate solvency first. Then and only then can should prove a loan is a wise next step.
Dear Dee is published every week at RI News Today dot com.
To send your “Dear Dee,” question – in complete confidence – just email: [email protected] – Put “Dear Dee” in the subject line, and then look for your answer on Saturday. Please keep your information private in not identifying specific people – and sign your note with your initials or as you would like it to appear – such as “Confused in Cumberland”
This is Dee, signing out for today, creating healthy human connections through high level effective communication. You can find me at iVoiceCommunication.com. That’s the letter i…voice communication.com
Donna Rustigian Mac is the Founder and Chief People Officer at iVoice Communication, dedicated to creating healthy human connections through high level effective communication.
Donna is an executive communication coach workforce trainer and motivational speaker with more than 3 decades of experience. www.iVoiceCommunication.com
Donna is also the author of Guide to a Richer Life, Know Your Worth, Find Your Voice and Speak Your Truth and the creator of The Six Pillars of Effective Communication.
Donna’s undergraduate degree is in Liberal Arts and Humanities. She has also studied psychology at Lesley University, with Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence), and is a certified mindfulness teacher with continuing studies at Brown University’s Center for Mindfulness.
During her career, Donna has partnered with Clear Channel Communication and The Speech Improvement Company, the oldest speech communication company in the United States. Clients include Merrill Lynch, Cambridge Associates, The Massachusetts Banker’s Association, CVS Health and many others.
In addition to her work, Donna is an avid runner, skier, gardener and the mother of two kind, strong and successful millennials who have the great ability to communicate!