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“Dear Dee” Advice – Emotional vs. non-emotional? Business with friends?
By Donna Rustigian Mac, “Dear Dee” Advice Columnist
Hello—it’s Dee…with your communication advice for the week…so you can create healthy human connections…. that means trusted relationships in your personal and professional life.
Have you listened to the Q&A on audio? Well, here it is! Let me know what you think!
Dear Dee,
I tend to be very emotional in the moment and I am trying to build my communication skills. I work with engineers who have shown no emotion, so there is a divide. What would you suggest?
M.E.
Dear M.E.,
It sounds like the goal here is to work together, in harmony, with people very different. Welcome to the world! This is what we attempt to do all the time and it’s not an easy job. But the good news is you’re mindful of who you are as a communicator. So, the first suggestion I have is to own that. You lead with emotions.
The thing is if you’re speaking with someone who isn’t as emotional as you are, like the engineers you work with, you may fail to be influential. That’s because people are more apt to relate with people who are like them. I’m not saying to totally change your approach because it’s important that you be yourself but try getting to the point quicker and just providing your engineers with the data and statistics and facts they need. To become more persuasive, you must remember what’s important to your listeners.
One final note, it’s so easy get frustrated when we attempt to communicate with people who are different. Some people are just more emotional, others more data driven. So be aware of how you’re thinking and communicating “to yourself” about these differences. Avoid judgments. And if you think someone is judging you for being different, avoid taking it personally.
Our next question…
Dear Dee,
I am currently looking to refinance my mortgage. I have a friend who is a loan originator at a bank, and he is pressuring me to do business with him. I feel uncomfortable sharing my financial situation with him and I have someone who can offer me a better rate. How can I communicate to him that I want to work with someone else without harming our relationship?
A.M.
Dear A.M.,
You can “do your best” not to harm this relationship but that ultimate decision is up to your friend who is the loan originator. Hopefully, they won’t expect that all their friends will do business with them. They should prepare for some rejection and handle it well when it happens, or they’ll be running out of friends!
So, A.M., you’ll want to be quick, to the point and a little compassionate when you communicate your decision. Say something like, “Sorry but I made a decision to go elsewhere. I explored 3 different companies and my mortgage is already being processed with the XXX Company. They had the best rates. I will be saving 17 thousand dollars over the next 30 years based on their closest competitor!
There may be a few hard feelings initially but carry on! If your friendship is solid, this is just a blip.
Dear Dee is published every week at RI News Today dot com…and we’d love to hear from you!
Send your “Dear Dee,” question – in complete confidence – to: [email protected] – Put “Dear Dee” in the subject line, and then look for your answer on Saturday. Please keep your information private in not identifying specific people – and sign your note with your initials or as you would like it to appear – such as “Frustrated in Foster”
This is Dee, signing out for today, creating healthy human connections through high level effective communication. You can find me at iVoiceCommunication.com. That’s the letter i…voice communication.com
Donna Rustigian Mac is the Founder and Chief People Officer at iVoice Communication, dedicated to creating healthy human connections through high level effective communication.
Donna is an executive communication coach workforce trainer and motivational speaker with more than 3 decades of experience. www.iVoiceCommunication.com
Donna is also the author of Guide to a Richer Life, Know Your Worth, Find Your Voice and Speak Your Truth and the creator of The Six Pillars of Effective Communication.
Donna’s undergraduate degree is in Liberal Arts and Humanities. She has also studied psychology at Lesley University, with Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence), and is a certified mindfulness teacher with continuing studies at Brown University’s Center for Mindfulness.
During her career, Donna has partnered with Clear Channel Communication and The Speech Improvement Company, the oldest speech communication company in the United States. Clients include Merrill Lynch, Cambridge Associates, The Massachusetts Banker’s Association, CVS Health and many others.
In addition to her work, Donna is an avid runner, skier, gardener and the mother of two kind, strong and successful millennials who have the great ability to communicate!