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GriefSPEAK: Grieving the loss of empathy – Mari Nardolillo Dias
Grieving the Loss of Empathy
by Mari Nardolillo, Dias, EdD, contributing writer
“This girl is on fire, this girl is on fire…. She’s walking on fire, this girl is on fire…” (Alicia Keys)
Yes. Like Key’s quote above, I am on fire. I have been teaching empathy to budding therapists at both the undergraduate and graduate level for years. My foray into theatre both as an actor and director was designed to also encourage empathy in K-8. My doctoral dissertation was a qualitative approach to measuring emotional intelligence, a concept that is based on empathy.
Once thought of as a personality trait, we know that it can be learned. I have witnessed the power of empathy as it is essential to communication, conflict resolution and self-regulation/impulse control. I never had to justify the importance of this quality- it was always understood and valued.
Why am I on fire?
Regardless of political persuasion, the responses to the President’s address were well, egregious. Insensitive. Empathy-less. Cold, callous, and mind blowing. What warm blooded, breathing, human being can be judgmental and indifferent to the wonder and awe of a 13-year-old brain cancer survivor who was assigned the moniker of a secret service agent? Even if one was callous, it was difficult to watch without filling up or shedding a tear. Laken Rilley’s mother and sister. The young boy whose father passed as he sets off to West Point. How does one disregard the fortune and joy of these individuals? I am aghast. Wrecked. On fire.
Empathy is an “integral part of emotional and social development and an essential motivation for helping those in distress. In a very literal sense, it is the ability to feel or imagine another person’s emotional experience” (McDonald & Messinger, 2011 in Sutton, J. 2020).
Let us take a look at the coverage of the address, according to Rachel Maddow. She called it “a political spectacle.” Or Nicolle Wallace, whose report has been described as “sick and twisted.” Or Crockett’s less than professional reaction? What happened to members of Congress? What happened to journalists? What is happening to us? I invite; no, I implore you to watch the clip of DJ Daniel’s face when the President announces that DJ is make an honorary Secret Service Agent. Then look at the crowd. What is your reaction?
I will continue to teach empathy, and I hope you will (after watching the clip), join me in this galled inferno of shocking, appalling, horrific, abhorrent behavior. Perhaps it will make you feel the hot coals on your senses, your soul, your humanity. Thank you for reading my rant. Not a smolder yet…
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Dr. Mari Nardolillo Dias is a nationally board-certified counselor, holds a Fellow in Thanatology and is certified in both grief counseling and complicated grief. Dias is a Certified death doula, and has a Certificate in Psychological Autopsy.
Dias is Professor of Clinical Mental Health, Master of Science program, Johnson & Wales University. Dias is the director of GracePointe Grief Center, in North Kingstown, RI. For more information, go to: http://gracepointegrief.com/
What a wonderful message! Thank you for all you do every day.
Unfortunately, it is necessary to remind some people of the importance of empathetic communication and kindness towards others.
An excellent rant. Hard to come up with the right words, but you got some of them.
If these sitting, staring people are human (?), politics has poisoned their minds.
But wait. Here in RI, these are the people we vote into office. These are our reps who sat on their hands and sat on their empathy, who afterwards would not vote to censure Al Green (because to them he was right — just because he hates Trump!!!)
I will amend one of your questions from your piece: What HAS happened to some of us?
I wish I knew; I wish we all knew.