It is what it is – Jen Brien

by Jen Brien, contributing writer, commentary

THE SOUP!

“THIS HEAT! OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THIS HEAT”!  This made me LOL the other day as I heard some poor ol’ lady say this at Cumberland Farms. She had to be 100. Honestly, I felt so bad for her. She had the “housecoat” going on and white sandals. I, personally, liked the look, though others stared in dismay, but none the less there she stood in line buying ice!  I really wanted to ask what she was going to DO with 3 bags of ice, but I didn’t. None of my business. Hey maybe she was planning on taking a bath or something. We will NEVER KNOW.

What we do know for sure is the heat has been oppressive. I went running the other day at 7am and I was sweating like a preacher on a Sunday down south. I’ve heard old timers exclaim “WE ARE IN THE SOUP!” and that we are. Floating around waiting for our electric bills. UGH. Don’t even get me started on that. In the meantime, I thought I’d provide some tips on WHAT TO DO IN THE HEAT AND WHAT NOT TO DO. Look, these are pretty common sense BUT for us lazy summer writers it takes up space and just MAY HELP SOMEONE!

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WHERE THE HELL DID “CHRISTMAS IN JULY” COME FROM?

I sort of have that answer for you gang, and honestly, it’s kind of interesting! SO HERE IT IS! OR, HERE THEY ARE!

ONE THEORY IS:

CHRISTMAS IN JULY STARTED over 85 years ago on JULY 24th and 25th around 1933 at a girl’s camp called “KEYSTONE CAMP” in Brevard, North Carolina. The first time anyone celebrated CHRISTMAS IN JULY was at the request of the camp co-founder, Fannie Holt. The celebration, complete with fake snow, a fully decorated tree, and Santa, culminated with plenty of presents and traditional food!

ANOTHER THEORY IS:

THE TRADITION picked up steam and national attention with the RELEASE OF “CHRISTMAS IN JULY” A Hollywood comedy in 1940. 

MORE THEORIES SAY:

THE U.S post office and the U.S Army and Navy started this all after they teamed up with the greeting card industry to promote an early Christmas mailing campaign for service men during WW2.

AND FINALLY:

In 1942, the Calvary Baptist Church started it all in July after the pastor gave a sermon entitled “CHRISTMAS presents in July”.

Well, the fact is folks, Christmas in July is now a big deal for advertisers and frankly, we may never know it’s TRUE origin, but if you are looking to get your holiday groove on, QVC has round the clock deals and trees and food and EVERYTHING – if you can actually stomach that stuff now. Too soon for me gang… though I have already started my Christmas shopping! FELIZ NAVIDAD!

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SHARK WEEK

You know, even though those huge scary beasts are sorta prehistoric and eat people, I actually feel sorry for them. I feel like they’re just doing what they do, and get this super bad rap. NOT that I have ever wanted to pet a shark or see one up close. NAH, I’m good, but hey, fact is, sharks eat people and other animals. Is it their fault you lose a limb or your life because you decided to get into the tub (the ocean) with them? Think about it – people make a conscious choice to jump in various bodies of water all over the world with creatures that LIVE IN THERE that could kill you. I don’t know, seems obvious to me there’s a risk in doing that.

Me? I stay on land now. I like pools. Yes, people pee in them but it’s better than getting eaten like that lady in “JAWS” who decided to go a swim in her birthday suit… hey, I’m not gonna quit living, but I’m definitely minimizing my chances at a horrific end by staying on land… THOUGH SOME MAY SAY WITH ALL THE ILLEGALS COMMITTING CRIMES ON THIS SOIL ALL OVER AMERICA THAT’S NOT REALLY TRUE… fair point. None the less, I’ll watch you guys jump in and out of the ocean from my beach blanket under my umbrella and pray you don’t end up like ALEX KINTNER. 

“But as you see, it’s a beautiful day, the beaches are open, and people are having a wonderful time. Amity, as you know, means “FRIENDSHIP”.

MAYOR VAUGHN

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WACKY FACTS!

*HOT water freezes faster than COLD water

*The Mona Lisa doesn’t have eyebrows!

*The tongue is the strongest muscle in the body

*BE LIKE THE ANT PEOPLE!!!!  Ants rest for about 8 minutes EVERY 12 hours

*Identical twins don’t have the same fingerprints

*The 100 folds in a chef’s hat represent the 100 ways to cook an egg

*Some cats are allergic to PEOPLE!

*Apple Pie is not AMERICAN at all. The first recorded recipe for apple pie was written in ENGLAND

*M&M stands for MARS and MURRIE

*ELVIS only won 3 grammy’s

*ABOUT 700 grapes go into a bottle of wine

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I’M NOT CHEAP, BUT WHY AM I TIPPING YOU FOR HANDING ME MY BAG OF PASTRY?

FOLKS, TIPPING IS OUT OF CONTROL. I HAVE TO SAY THIS. AS SOMEONE WHO WAS A WAITRESS FOR MANY YEARS, IT’S INSANE. I went to a local dairy farm last week and the young person got exasperated with me when I declined to tip her at the checkout. I’m thinking, “WHY do you expect a tip for doing your job? I handed you my milk, bread and a cupcake and you are waiting to be EXTRA compensated for doing what you were hired to do”. I literally walked away shaking my head. Don’t even get me started on coffee joints. My favorite is when you are waiting for your change (say, 95 cents) and the individual says, “do you want your change?”. HELL YES! Give me my money!

WHAT is wrong with these people? I saw a tip jar for a person at a small hardware store the other day. I thought “I’m going to tip you because you helped me find a roll of tape?” Look, I’m not cheap, but I refuse to tip someone who doesn’t even make eye contact and I refuse to tip the person who’s texting on the floor of a VERY BUSY coffee joint when they should be whipping up my ice coffee. YOU want a tip? Stop expecting handouts… and if you REALLY need one – come across our southern border and change your name. You’ll get a hell of a lot more than most Americans have and it will ALL BE FREE. There’s a tip from your AUNT TILLY.

That’s all I got this week gang. IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Till next time – Jen

EMAIL contact – [email protected]

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Jen Brien has over 20 years of radio broadcast experience having hosted shows on WPRO and WHJJ with Ron as well as her own shows on WRKO and WBZ in Boston, WXTK on Cape Cod and WHAM in Rochester, New York. Jen was born and raised in Woonsocket and served six years in the Army MP Canine Unit.

[email protected]